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and as he landed stabbed at him with one hand. He moved with his usual speed
and ducked easily under the knife. I had anticipated his move and caught him
on the side of the head with the oar. He fell, stunned for a moment, while I,
thrown off balance by the violent rocking of the boat, narrowly escaped
tumbling overboard. I dropped the oar and clung to the wooden side. I did not
want to go into the freezing water unless I took him with me and drowned him.
As I slid to the other side of the boat Akio recovered. He leaped straight
upward and came down on top of me. We fell together and he seized me by the
throat.
I was still invisible but helpless, pinned under him like a carp on the cook's
slab. I felt my vision blacken; then he loosened his grip slightly.
ôYou traitor,ö he said. ôKenji warned us you would go back to the Otori in the
end. I'm glad you did, because I've wanted you dead since the first time we
met. You're going to pay now. For your insolence to the Kikuta, for my hand.
And for Yuki.ö
ôKill me,ö I said, ôas your family killed my father. You will never escape our
ghosts. You will be cursed and haunted till the day you die. You murdered your
own kin.ö
The boat moved beneath us drifting with the tide. If Akio had used his hands
or knife then, I would not be telling this story. But he couldn't resist one
last taunt. ôYour child will be mine. I'll bring him up properly as a real
Kikuta.ö He shook me violently, ôShow me your face,ö he snarled. ôI want to
see your look when I tell you how I'll teach him to hate your memory. I want
to watch you die.ö
He leaned closer, his eyes searching for my face. The boat drifted into the
path of the moon. As I saw its brightness I let visibility return and looked
straight into his eyes. I saw what I wanted to find: the jealous hatred of me
that clouded his judgment and weakened him.
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He realized in a split second and tried to wrench his gaze away but the blow
from the oar must have slowed his usual quickness and it was too late. He was
already made dizzy by the encroaching Kikuta sleep. He slumped sideways, his
eyelids flickering erratically as he fought it. The boat tipped and rocked.
His own weight took him headfirst into the river.
The boat drifted on, faster now, carried by the swelling tide. In the moonlit
road across the water I saw the body surface. It floated gently. I was not
going to go back and finish him off. I hoped he'd drown or freeze to death but
I left it to fate. I took up the oar and sculled the boat to the far shore.
By the time I got there I was shivering with cold. The first roosters were
crowing and the moon was low in the sky. The grass on the bank was stiff with
frost and stones and twigs gleamed white. I disturbed a sleeping heron and
wondered if it was the one that came to fish in Shigeru's garden. It flew off
from the highest branches of the willow with the familiar clack of wmgs.
I was exhausted but far too wrought up to think of sleep, and anyway I had to
keep moving to warm myself. I forced myself to a quick pace, following the
narrow mountain road toward the southeast. The moon was bright and I knew the
track. By daybreak I was over the first pass and on my way down to a small
village. Hardly anyone was stir-
S
ring, but an old woman was blowing up the embers in her hearth and she heated
some soup for me in return for one of the coins. I complained to her about my
senile old master sending me off on a wild-goose chase through the mountains
to a remote temple. The winter would undoubtedly finish him off and I'd be
stranded there.
She cackled and said, ôYou'll have to become a monk, then!ö
ôNot me. I like women too much.ö
This pleased her, and she found some freshly pickled plums to add to my
breakfast. When she saw my string of coins she wanted to give me lodging as
well as food. Eating had brought the sleep demon closer, and I longed to lie
down, but I was too afraid of being recognized and I already regretted I had
said as much as I had to her. I might have left Akio in the river, but I knew
how the river gives up its victims, both the living and the dead, and I feared
his pursuit. I was not proud of my defection from the Tribe after I had sworn
to obey them, and in the cold light of morning I was beginning to realize what
the rest of my life would be like. I had made my choice to return to the
Otori, but now I would never be free from the dread of assassination. An
entire secret organization would be drawn up against me to punish me for my
disloyalty. To slip through their web, I had to move faster than any of their
messengers would. And I had to get to Terayama before it began to snow.
The sky had turned the color of lead when I reached Tsuwano on the afternoon
of the second day. My thoughts were all of my meeting there with Kaede and the
sword-training session when I had fallen in love with her. Was her name
already entered in the ledgers of the dead? Would I have to light candles for
her now every year at the Festival of the Dead until I died? Would we be
joined in the afterworld, or were we condemned never to meet again either in
life or in death? Grief and shame gnawed at me. She had said, ôI only feel
safe with you,ö and I had abandoned her. If fate were to be kind and she were
to come into my hands again, I would never let her go.
I regretted bitterly my decision to go with the Tribe, and I went over the
reasons behind my choice many times. I believed I had made a bargain with them
and my life was forfeit to themùthat was one thing. But beyond that I blamed
my own vanity. I had wanted to know and develop the side of my character that
came from my father, from the Kikuta, from the Tribe: the dark inheritance
that gave me skills I was proud of. I had responded eagerly and willingly to
their seduction, the mixture of flattery, understanding, and brutality with
which they had used and manipulated me. I wondered how much chance I had to
get away from them. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]